What is a habit? A habit is an automatic behavior that has become part of your routine that does not require conscious planning. 

Let’s start with the habits that most of us have as adults. Brushing our teeth.  Putting on our clothes (hopefully). For the majority of us, it’s just not something we think about (no conscious planning required).  What do all habits, good and bad have in common?  Usually they are done at the same time everyday – or if not the same time – are followed by the same or similar cue every single time.  What I mean by cue could be a few things – it could be time of day, location, or what you do right beforehand. For brushing teeth, it could be right after you eat breakfast or first thing in the morning depending on how you developed the habit. Brushing teeth has the added cue of a consistent location – always in the bathroom, which makes it even easier to remember. 

Roadblocks to habit building:

In the age we live in, there is pressure to get everything done fast with the least effort possible.  But when it comes to real change, it’s important (but maybe not very glamorous) to realize that slow and steady still wins the race. Habit building often requires you to invest both more time and energy, especially at the beginning of the process, which requires patience. But what does slow and steady really entail?  Does it mean starting to build one habit at a time? It could be. Let’s take exercise for example. Which scenario do you think would be more successful? Trying to go for the gold, and exercising 30 minutes 3 times a week at different times of the week?  Or trying to exercise for 2 minutes 3 times a week, at the same time every day, and then every week tacking on several minutes?  In his book, “Tiny Habits”, Dr. Fogg posits that tiny changes are the easiest way to build new habits. It’s not just the fact that they’re tiny, however. It’s also due to the fact that they are done immediately following a certain task that you already do. So it’s almost like habit stacking, which I will explain more about below, with a few important differences in the “how” part: when you do it and for how long is almost equally important, Fogg argues. You do it for the absolute minimum time and everything else is a bonus, which also helps your mindset.

This is the opposite of fun and that’s why I’m a fan of making it as easy as humanly possible!  But there can be some serious roadblocks to habit building.  It can also feel like a massive undertaking, especially if you are trying to undo years of bad habits.  For myself, when I attempt to start a new habit, I sometimes hear that annoying voice in the back of my head saying “yeah right, this ain’t gonna happen”.  As much as I’d like to admit I’m good at creating new, healthy habits, I haven’t had a lot of success in my past. Looking back, I know my intentions and motivation were often very high. The main roadblock for me was just forgetting to do it.  Let’s take the example of remembering to take vitamins. When I was younger, I remember when I used to take a gummy or chocolate vitamin, I definitely had NO trouble remembering to do it.  So that habit was especially easy to create, and I didn’t even need a particular time of day to do it. I knew that one of the reasons I keep forgetting to take my vitamin pills today is because I’m not a huge fan of swallowing larger pills.  I would even find myself remembering a couple times a day, and just said to myself, “nah, I can just take it later”. Well, later would turn into never because I would get caught up in doing other things.  So, if the task or activity that you are trying to do is not something particularly enjoyable, writing it on your calendar might not be enough of the push you need.

Take small “a” addictions seriously:

Sometimes bad habits can even enter the realm of addiction, and not just the big DSM-V addictions, which I refer to as Big A Addictions(i.e. substance use and gambling). If you are struggling with one of these addictions, the best course of action is to seek professional help (talk to your doctor, counselor, etc.). For many of us, however, we don’t realize how much small “a” addictions impact our lives in a negative way. I’m talking about sugar, phone or electronics usage, and even addictions to certain thought processes that are much sneakier and even normalized by our society. The problem is just because these “small a” addictions seem ever-present doesn’t mean they are any less dangerous for us. They can be a time and energy waster, and even drain us of our physical and emotional health. 

How to change or start a new habit:

But how do you even go about it starting a new habit?  Is it best to eliminate it completely, like cold turkey?  Or is a gradual approach better for success? Should you swap it with a healthier habit?  The answer is definitely complex and individual to your unique situation. While it certainly depends on the habit and the person, here’s a few strategies that may help you starting today!

Trick #1: The 20 second rule of habit:

This trick involves a little strategy, and takes advantage of our human tendency to take the path of least resistance (aka being lazy).  It capitalizes on the fact that one of the biggest hurdles to starting a new habit is how easy (or quickly) you can make the decision to do whatever habit it is you’re trying to do.  This theory states that if you take longer than 20 seconds to take action on it, then you are more likely to fail. Let’s just take the example of wanting to start reading before you go to bed at night. If you can’t find the book you want to read (takes longer than 20 seconds), you will be less likely to build this new habit. If you make it very easy to find it and start – like if you placed the book on your nightstand, this will often help. This also provides a visual cue (like aha, I see the book, that means I should read!) which is a bonus as well.  

Trick #2:  Don’t skip doing any new habit 2 days in a row:

Check out this blog’s post which explains the two-day rule nicely.  The Two-Day Rule (aka Never Skip Two Days in a Row) – Managing Happiness

I like this one because it’s forgiving, especially when you’re first starting out. Of course, if you are sick or have other plans, these are the exceptions, but do your best. Like, we all are prone to missing a day because we forget or are distracted by something else. But if that missed day turns into 2 missed days, then watch out, your momentum has now faltered. This trick works far better when creating daily habits. And as you can probably guess, it’s much easier to create a daily habit then a few times a week habit. This leads me to my next tip:

Trick #3: Start very small, at a high frequency:

Another strategy which can help develop a new habit is the frequency with which you do it.  When starting a new exercise routine (especially when I’ve fallen off the exercise “wagon” so to speak), I notice that if I create a 2-5 minute daily habit of some kind of movement (I know, this sounds really minor), at the same time everyday, it is much more likely to stick. The key is making it very easy to start with but also daily, so you have more opportunity to ingrain the habit. After about 30 days of doing this (it’s debatable how long it takes to develop a new habit), you can feel free to adjust it to longer stretches several times a week.

Trick #4:  Habit stacking:

The first time I heard this was from a fitness coach I had about a year ago. She said the reason why I was successful was because of habit stacking, but honestly it took a few mentions of this term before it piqued my curiosity. I think because the term is so unglamorous much like habits themselves.  Apparently I was doing it, and didn’t even realize it. When I looked up the term, it made perfect sense. It’s taking advantage of a previous habit by doing the new habit right after it. The previous habit, such as brushing one’s teeth, can serve as a cue for the new one. Remember that I hate taking large pills?  Well guess what, I started taking the pills right after I brushed my teeth, and guess what?  I haven’t missed one day!  That’s the power of habit stacking. Going back to my fitness coach, who did help me achieve my goal of consistently working out 4 times a week. I realized that the reason the fitness coach was so motivating was not just because of her high energy: it was having accountability, which is (you guessed it), yet another strategy for success when building habits.

Trick #5:  Accountability:

We all know how important our social sphere is.  But how do you use it for accountability?  Do you have to really pay for a trainer or a coach?  Not necessarily. An accountability buddy or partner can achieve the same thing. The buddy can be a friend with similar goals or even someone you choose as part of an online community. The point is to check in with each other. It could be the same time each day.  You do not have to do the same exact habits, or even implement them the same time of day. But often it helps to have the check in be the same time each day.  However, it’s also OK to send a text or message to your buddy that you accomplished the habit for that day.  In return, this can also act like a cue for that person to complete their habit as well. Encouragement and praise can also make a difference for some people more than others. If you fall in this camp, simply tell your accountability partner that you need that in the form of words, emoji’s, videos, you name it. Anything is possible here, just come up with a plan that works for both of you (or multiple people in the group).